This is redemption’s story
With every step that I am taking
Every day, you’re chipping away
What I don’t need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I’m closer to who I’m meant to be
I am a change in the making.”

– “Change In The Making” by Addison Road

English novelist, Arnold Bennett once said, “Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”

As I currently stand amidst the winds of change, I am floored at how true these words are.  I’ve always been one to embrace change with open arms.  My ADHD ways have come to crave it on a regular basis.  However, I wouldn’t classify my current changes as comfortable or even wanted.  They are uncomfortable.  Yet, I must realize that change is incredibly consistent in all of our lives.  I can embrace it and make the best of it, or attempt to ineffectively fight it.  I don’t exactly have any interest in wasting my energy.

While reflecting on the changes in my current situation, I find myself reflecting on change needed in my life as well.  There is a need to focus on becoming a better me.  Something that has been placed on the back burner for quite some time now.   I’m so confused as to why this behavior seems to be a pattern amongst many.  Why do we insist on depriving ourselves of the things that will create a more positive living environment for us and those around us?

I am thankful for a God that works in me and through me.  That is faithful to pour out His blessings despite my own inconsistencies.  As I look around me, I am baffled at how so many speak of their own Christianity yet show no markers of transformation in their lives and no contrast from the world.

Maybe it needs to said.  You cannot meet the Creator of the universe and remain the same.  If the God who is all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present comes to dwell within your soul, you would expect at least a minor disruption.  I think there is a problem when people talk about “meeting God” or “knowing God” and yet remain unchanged by God.

We must live daily with a desire to be on the potter’s wheel.  To be molded and crafted into the person we should be.  Although the time on the wheel is often uncomfortable, the finished product will be one of great beauty.

I am running
Running after you.
You’ve become my soul’s delight.
I am running
Running after you.
Here with you I find my life.”

Things have changed.

Not that I haven’t lived my life to follow after God….I just feel a call to something deeper. Not just to fall in line and follow somewhere off in the crowd.

I want to know Him. A mediocre walk will not suit me. A typical relationship is not what I want. I am not satisfied with mere lip-service. I am not “all talk.” At least I have no desire to be.

Oddly enough it seems that so often we claim to have a relationship with God. We claim to be followers of Christ, only to suddenly find ourselves standing alone……simply because we stopped walking. I don’t think it’s because we necessarily intended to stop, we just got caught up in “now” and forgot to keep our eyes on what is to come. You cease to follow someone when you’re no longer moving. Stagnant water has no movement.

I have resolved within myself to run. Run with all that is within me.

Runners often strip themselves of any unnecessary weights so that they may run unencumbered. We are runners. The question is, are we running unencumbered? It does not necessarily have to be sin that is holding us back. If it is not, we could be weighted by culture…by tradition. Could it be unresolved issues in my heart such as anger, fear, insecurity, or jealousy? Such things can often hold us back from greatness in God.

What is holding you back?

I cannot be comfortable in simply running after God’s blessings without ever running after God. I desire to know not only God’s works, but God’s ways. I want to know where He lives, so to speak. It is not enough to simply know about God. I want to know Him. It’s not just a casual request, it is a hunger.

….to know and follow hard after thee, O God!

“Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection….” 1 Corinthians 9:26-27

Stay tuned….

Those are my favorites. :)

If so, San Francisco is my drug of choice.

Growing up in small town Texas, surrounded by acres of farmland & night skies larger than life, I thought I would never enjoy such a high-energy metropolis.  My belief was that I could never love “the city” as much as I did the complete calm and relaxation of the country.

I was wrong.

In all honesty, my first visit to San Francisco was a bit overwhelming.  The mister, in his trademarked southern drawl, said, “Let’s just drive around and check it out.”

Of course, anyone who has ever driven there knows that it’s not that easy.  Especially when you’re not from some other booming U.S. city.  But, off we went.

As we drove down the Embarcadero, I felt the excitement of seeing the bay and the hustle & bustle on the pier.  Traffic was a little more than what we were used to, but that was expected.  It was as he turned and traveled away from the bay, that I realized how close everything looked.   Not just close, but CLOSE.  Cars zipping by.  Pedestrians walking out in the street.  Buildings towering over us so that I could see the top from our car.

Yes, things were VERY close.

The fear I mentioned above was amplified multiple times due to the factors surrounding us.  I believe this was the moment I might have freaked out a little.  Looking back, I’m sure that my reaction to our current situation could have in no way improved the mister’s driving skills.  On the contrary, I’m sure it made him a nervous wreck right along with me.

So, here we are: Two little podunk Southerners from Northeast Texas, trying to drive our happy little selves through the second-most densely populated large city in the United States.  All the while, I am realizing that I might be just a wee bit claustrophobic.  Get the picture?

Poor mister.

Since then, I have thankfully grown accustom to San Francisco.  More than that, I actually love it there.  I am closer than ever to understanding why Tony Bennett belted out, “I left my heart in San Francisco.”

I’m past the tourism phase & now have my favorite haunts.  Last weekend, I visited some of my favorite places with some of my favorite people.  I recommend that anyone spending any amount of time there, stop by.  Our day included lunch at Steps of Rome in Little Italy, the divine chocolate macaroons of awesomeness at Eastern Bakery in Chinatown & shopping on Powell St.  Of course, I have photos to capture my day’s activities:

Thanks to my friends for making it such a great day:  The mister, Brendan, Jo, Jeni, Emily & Kristen.  Love you guys!

“I left my heart in San Francisco 
High on a hill, it calls to me. 
To be where little cable cars 
Climb halfway to the stars! 
The morning fog may chill the air 
I don’t care! 
My love waits there in San Francisco 
Above the blue and windy sea 
When I come home to you, San Francisco, 
Your golden sun will shine for me!”

“Ok.  If we’re going to close friends, you should be aware of something.  I tend to show affection through sarcasm and teasing.  If I really meant the things I say, I wouldn’t be saying them.  Honestly, I like to avoid confrontation.  So, don’t be offended or take me seriously.  If I give you a hard time, it means I like you.  If I offend you, please tell me so I can correct it.  Deal?”

Speaking of friends, I have awesome ones.  My 4th of July weekend was amazing because of them!  My white self spent a LOT of time at the lake with my girlies.  Thank the good Lord for sunshine!  Lake time, BBQ, friends & fireworks = awesome sauce.  Here are a few of my favorite pics from this weekend.

While living in Texas, I seemed to partake in it more…..but even in my experience here, there is one common factor.

I always get the fork that has apparently been mangled by the garbage disposal.

The tines are bent up and facing every way but straight. Of course, I never realize until after the first bite. It’s during this time that the roof of my mouth is assaulted and stabbed. Either that or my lips are cut by the rough edges.

What I begin to wonder is if the last person who used my fork was missing a few teeth and mangled the fork with their poor dental work. And because I have ADHD, this sends my easily distracted mind on a wild journey of the imagination. I then begin thinking that some “snaggle-toothed” person with poor dental hygiene had their mouth on the fork that just recently left mine.

It’s at this time that I begin to think of all the reasons I can to begin carrying a personal silverware set in my purse. I could market that, you know. All of these cute little carrying cases of every design with your very own personal silverware setting within. Just slip it in your purse…use it at the appropriate time, and when you’re done you can slip it into the plastic bag (for neatness), place it back in the pouch and drop it in your purse. Ta-da!

Crisis avoided.

Of course, the fork will undoubtedly get bent up while being toted in my massive purse. I’ll pull it out, use it and realize that I’m back at square one.

What a vicious cycle.